static head

My soapbox is made of balsa wood
my pedestal's a rental
the megaphone don't work worth a shit
and my hesitation is all mental

I look at you
apprehension pulling so true
got a small window to run through

I love you.

Wish I could have bit back
as soon as it came out
like a word written in erasable ink
it cannot be rubbed out

I search for some kind of clue
desire pulling me into you
heat and impulse dragging me through

I want you

Next morning staring at the ceiling
devoid of the lust, empty of feeling
wondering what just happened here
while you sleep, i feel your breath on my ear.

I'm looking for a reason for what I did
irritation pulling me toward the door
anger and confusion offering more

I left you

Nightmare Season

The sun rises
like a spark on an open wound

I'm stirring sugar into my hurt...

I'm sick of getting my answers
from vending machines

and why are mirrors so goddamned mean?

I pray for rain
for it's different from today

who we were, what we did
I wonder where it went

If I chased it down
would it make it harder to forget?

and Nightmare Season hasn't even started yet....

No, Nightmare season hasn't even started yet.

Never Been

I've never been an answer man
not too good working with my hands
haven't been that guy to catch a glance
or catch someone's fall where I stand

sat and watched as the moments drifted on by
always wondering, never asking
why they weren't mine

I scream at myself until my ears bleed
I point my finger in the mirror
at no one else but me

The reflection looks real
but it's all a lie
twisted, backward version of the truth

Me, Myself and I

Good Enough

Is there a moment
during the dying of the flame
when holding hands
no longer comes into play?

Is there a bell that rings
a striking of a clock perhaps
when a head can no longer
find purchase in a lap?

I didn't see a flash
in her beautiful eyes
when I was still inside
that said it won't be this good again,
it'll never feel this way again

When did I stop being good enough
when did this quit being real?
When did I stop being good enough
because I still burn and I still feel.....

Baby

Used to keep you in my jacket
to shelter you from the wind
Now I sneak into your room
to watch you sleep
and pray you won't turn out like me

Like the time I jumped the fence
because you ran into the deep end
I'm prepared to jump it again
I'd trade what's left of my life
for your future to not be like my past

Always tried to prepare you
by remembering the mistakes I made
while trying not to scare you
I look up at you now for you're taller than me
But it'll always be my baby boy I see

Background

I was the boy


that didn't have any roots


wasn't from anywhere


no return address or proof




I wanted to be dangerous


wanted to be mysterious


thought of as strange


came off as furious



trying to catch an eye


without being "that guy"


I found it almost impossible


to avoiding telling a lie



she won't look over here


she won't know my name


why am I so insecure


why does she drive me insane?



Because I've no stories to tell


no frilly past to share


never been to the liberty bell


never smelled a hotdog in times square



and there's no fighting chance


competing with the other guys


they've got familiarity


they've got pretty eyes



so I go it alone


ten speed windy nights


rain washes back my hair


eyes lit by street lights

Ah Via Fortuna

I placed my bets and lost again

keep backing the wrong horse

Lady Luck crept out of the bed

she's nothing but a cheap whore



The chips I've had since I was a boy

long lost before I became a man

my poker face slapped and destroyed

by a woman with a flash hand



black cards in her fingers fanned

diamond eyes flashed as I ran



Does Duchess Fate have love for me?

does she kiss as the wind speaks?

or will she claw my back until it bleeds

Laughing hard as the claret seeps?



Madame Fortune, when do I turn the tide

Or do the scales keep leaning your way?

Bad Idea making luck your bride

Win or lose, the bitch makes you pay



from now til your dying day

she sweeps up your ashes and blows them away

woman

Breathing some air

into this day

Love's so heavy

only God knows

what it weighs



It's almost impossible

to carry around

you're incomplete

til you find a place

to put it down



Oh, I can see you

But I can tell you've gone away

woman, where'd you fly off to today?



You're sitting before me

But I can tell something's not quite right

woman, where'd you go to tonight?



It's so painfully obvious

rock hard truth right now

You're lying beside me

but you've left me anyhow

hooked

She felt like velvet, and tasted chocolate smooth
Following her down the rabbit hole might make me a fool
But beautiful pain is caused by her every move
For her I'd gladly rewrite and break every rule

Don't question, don't ask
if I'm thinking straight
Just leave me, just let me
drown in her fucking wake

Running my hands through her hair
feeling sparks of iniquity
standing close to her neck
is like smelling eternity

and you question, you wonder
why I've given in again today
Just leave me, just let me
Burn down and ash away....

Waiting

Walking with my head down against the cold, breath trapped by the wind otherwise.

Collar up, thinking of you, where I should go, and what I'm going to do

Waiting for a phone call that never comes, checking the light on my cell by the minute,


and it doesn't change, things don't rearrange, and I'm exhausted by it all

looking for the key to my smile, feeling my pockets and not knowing why

because motion is a thing to do, and a substitute for what to be


For when you're lost on your feet, you reach inside for a reason and a rhyme


Walking with my guard up against what may be, apprehensiveness puts some people off

Lord knows I don't mean it, pushing away those I wish to keep beside me

for my unsure personage doesn't know if I am capable of taking hold of them forever


and it doesn't change, this fear will not wane, and I'm frustrated by it all

looking for the door to release, feeling for my soul and not knowing why

because self-inspection is a thing to do, and a mechanism for what to see

Ah Via Nocturna

Twisted and warped are the people I know 

 combined and dessicated are the places I go 

 someone explain to me why it feels so real 

 laughing until I vomit onto my last meal 

 Science Fiction Nightmares and pornographic dreams somehow, some way they both end in screams 

 someone explain to me why it feels so real 

 crying until I giggle into the razor's steel 

 It's getting so I don't want to go to bed 

 because of who and what awaits me in my head 

 They lure me in smiles playing on my urges 

 as the clothes come off that shotgun emerges 

 I cannot find peace because of what lives

 in the dancing shadows behind my eyelids

Reflection

I can make you smile

while I'm gritting my teeth til they break

I hate my name

unless it's on someone else

when my glass heart breaks

is it like a tree falling in the forest?



I can't see

what others see

what other say

I've never believed



I'm not the one

I'm not at all.

Falling Short

Every wedding has a shotgun

every corner has a ghost

on the outside I appear alive

middle in is all compost



watching my feet for I fear the eyes

I give as much as is taken away

travelling on an empty tank

every sunset erases a day



because there are magnets all around me

and I am metal from a scrap heap

what's coming off and out's astounding

every hole empties, no matter how deep



and every corner has a ghost

every woman walks away

and every garden seeds it's weeds

every resource falls short of need



I don't have anything left to bleed

nothing left to share today

my chain is missing it's most important key

still too many bills to pay.

Differences

used to wear my heart on my sleeve

til it fell off onto my shoes

creates a bloody mess

but now I'm walking away with feeling...



broke up for musical differences

I wrote poetry

you wrote songs

could have collaborated on a sonnett

but it takes too goddamn long



Sorry I changed your lyrics

Sorry I changed your mind

Sorry that saying Sorry

doesn't mean anything this time



So I feel we should just

agree to disagree

say what you gotta say

and I'll file it away

pull it out, on down the road

on some crimson rainy day



and use it to wipe the smile off your face....

Unwise

And she was only just 15

and for some reason completely wrapped up in me

and I should have known better than

to tempt fate, hormones, and the powers that be

but there was something in those eyes

that told me that I wasn't just another guy

and I should have known better than

to toss caution to the wind and let it fly



when someone makes you feel real

valid, strong, virile, and full of appeal

it's tough to resist common sense

and not joint the devil's hand in a deal

but there was something in those eyes

that made me feel it was worth at least a try

and I should have known better than

let my spirit rise up and soar so high



because she was unrealistic

felt like she was older than she really was

and I was strong and resisted

through short breaths, shaking hands, and an adrenaline buzz



time passed, and she was never around

telephone call came and she let me down

funny thing being the older one

left feeling like a cheap knockoff carnival clown