Think

When you've accepted who you are today
and you've settled with how the shadows loom
you rise from your bed every day
hearing ghosts from the other room

When you realize you've reached your potential and it fell short of the goal you've set
smiles achieved by others beside you
sometimes throw balm on the burns you get

It is a fucking sad day
when you find out you have so much love to give
indeed a powerfully sad day
because, wasted, it leaked out like a sieve

register your smile with the kid
register your apathy with the wife
turn your head, ignore your reflections
for the rest of your goddamn life

There's a quiet place in my head
blackened reflections on shiny surfaces
voices of the dead, and shadows of dread
This walks the halls of my home.

Thin

Sometimes I feel things so sharply/ they bring a tear to my eye/ Every time someone says hello/ It means there will be a goodbye/ and it's no lie I have a tough time letting go/ and it's so fucking easy to cry/ the wrong things are the ones people know/ No one knew I was trying to die/ and I feel like there's an open wound somewhere/ under a rain of salt/ I can't seem to locate it anyplace or anywhere/ and that is no one's fault/ 30 years ago, I had my ass kicked/ and no tear has been falling/ but light melancholy or a harsh word/ can have me crawling/ My skins so thin, I bet you can see through it/ but someone now is trying to find a way/ I believe in her, she wants to do it/ I feel less burn, my flesh much less frayed/ Because I don't want the hurt anymore/ I no longer have the strength to carry it/ She wants to take it off, hand it to me/ and watch me as I bury it.....

He's there, all right.

Suspended animation
when he comes
out of the shadows
oh, he knows
he makes me sick
inhabits me
uses others
and their actions
and images of them
to make me bleed
and he's aware
that he scares
the shit out of me
his name is doubt
he smiles death
he smiles clout
when he comes
he overcomes
everything
and i bleed
in my sleep
until I cry
and he still won't let me be.....

Dandelion

lying in the grass
on my stomach
elbows down, chin in hands

talking to a dandelion

It wants to know
why that bright popping yellow
is an eyesore, to the world

I don't know, I said

Maybe because dandelions
aren't hard work
you're just there, eternal

the dandelion cried

I understood this.

Is the world we live in
set to see beauty
only in things that cost
or come from indelible effort?

Are we not allowed
to be awed
by something that the planet
just gives us

or asks little from us for?

I left the dandelion there
in the corner of my yard
and never cut him down

and when he turned gray
as all things eventually do
and his seeds were cast to the wind

I smiled a little
knowing there would be hundreds more because of him

Too Late For Redemption

I've never understood the acceptance of a bricklayer
and I have always been suspicious of guitar players
I've spent too many years as a nightmare slayer
I've long believed I have never had a prayer

I'm buried somewhere beneath these all these layers

I guess I never thought to put my hand out at the dance
The thievery of others made me believe I had no chance
Never saw a painting of love I thought I could enhance
It's hard to focus your walk when you're in a trance

I'm lost somewhere in with the dirt and the ants

So who do I think the man in the mirror is now
The one who expects a warning shot across his bow
Drives to work augmented with suicidal know-how
The man who had fantasies he will no longer allow

I'm lost somewhere without love endowed

Haven't had a day where I didn't have hate
for those that take for granted what I never could create
cracking bones, sore feet, reheated food on my plate
ice cold sheets, pillows, and blankets await

I'm too exhausted, too lonely, too cried out to be irate

wanting to lay in bloodstains on the floor
wandering aimlessly out on the moors
waiting for the claws and teeth that won't be ignored
and that pop and smoke that closes the door

I don't want to be lost here anymore
surrounded but ignored.

Empty Room

--4 February days in a mental hospital--beginning with the day of the 24 inch snowstorm.--
There's a shadow over there
one or two cast by my hair
the window shows gray
I'm by myself today
There's no one else in here
to lay their head upon my shoulder
I cock my head in the mirror
am I really that much older?
Arms wrapped around my knees
as the sun stumbles down the sky
maybe I should stand and run
or then again I could lay here and sigh
I've been brought here to cry
I feel like I came here to lie
The mirror wants me here to die
There's a shadow over there
it's just me and it
it has a steely-eyed stare
and I don't care

Daddy

Sitting at the kitchen table
chin resting on my knuckles, exhaling....sharply.
You've been long gone....
Daddy, I have questions
What about that alternator I need your help with?
What about that life-changing situation I have to ask you about?
Where am I supposed to go with this....
sometimes I pick up the phone like you might actually be at the other end
I'm a crazy bastard.
Big things are happening
and I can't find that crack of light under the door
and you're not there for the answer
I'm helpless and hopeless, daddy
I turn in circles
sky of blue
tears of clear
hair flies around
and the tears sling loose
and there's not a safe place for me to stop
or for the tears to drop.
Daddy why aren't you there to catch me anymore?
Your tools are gone
Your smell is gone
I've got a picture, and a few of your toys,
but I stand in the living room, I can feel you there
Please say something, Daddy.
Because it's your answers I want
because I can't make a move without them....
Daddy?