Slowly petrifying

I'd be lying
if I were to say
that checking out
didn't cross my mind at least once a day

and I can't breathe
and I can't see
if I don't
have you lying here next to me

and I can't think
and I can't feel
if everyone
seems to think it's no big deal

so I'm looking
to the sky
for answers
to the how, when, and why

and they're not
coming anytime soon
I can stare up there
until the rise of the moon

yeah, maybe
I brought this on myself
sometimes shit falls
from above as you reach for the top shelf

yeah, maybe
somehow
I'm finding out
who I was isn't who I am now

going through motions
I sleep walk
focused on you,
but I'm inside, in deep thought

slowly building a wall
four corners around me
too much foundation
to ever fall

so now I'm saying goodbye
you may see me smile
but it's not real
behind my eyes

I may still
talk to you
but my heart ain't it
and hell, neither are you