Goodbye

They're begging me to say goodbye
I won't do it, I won't even try
If I say it, it will come true
and that'll be the last I see of you

Father, forgive me for keeping it in
I'm just a boy, it can be no sin
everyone's flying around the house
ambulance will be here any second now......

.........
I'll give you that kiss on the cheek
It carries no seven letter finality
.........


Father, as the sirens faded away
I didn't see you the rest of the day
the phone call came just before dusk
turns out saying goodbye was probably a must....

Disconnected

I see a group of people after the bell rings 

I guess you'd call them friends 

I'm not comfortable with that word 

it's just a means to an end 

 and I cock my head like a dog 

and wonder what I'm looking at 

 I see hands entertwined and kisses goodbye 

deep looks of adoration behind both their eyes 

 and I cock my head like a dog 

and wonder what I'm looking at 

 I see a man with his kids and a ball 

down at the local park 

twenty years and graduation gowns 

and I'm sitting in the dark 

 and I cock my head like a dog 

and wonder what I'm looking at

burn

I've never burned this deep inside 

I've never burned this hot for real 

I can cover it with a lie 

try and pretend it's not a big deal 

 but then I'm locked up with myself 

and there's no one that scares me more

 I've threatened to take myself to hell 

and my body's started to wash up on the shore 

 There's no book that I can give you to read 

No chalkboard scrawling so you can understand 

that some nothing would be better than this something and there's not a damn thing bitter about the end starting to resent the things keeping me here 

blocking the doorway to the easy way out 

day by day they feel less and less dear 

casting more shadows on my doubt.

carry

I'm carrying a weight that's heavy and awkward 

and at this rate I won't be moving onward 

 I've learned that I've got nowhere to take this 

and I've run completely out of ways to fake this 

 I've missed the places and things 

that are as sweet as honey 

and I can no longer laugh 

because nothing's funny

 anymore.

Slowly petrifying

I'd be lying
if I were to say
that checking out
didn't cross my mind at least once a day

and I can't breathe
and I can't see
if I don't
have you lying here next to me

and I can't think
and I can't feel
if everyone
seems to think it's no big deal

so I'm looking
to the sky
for answers
to the how, when, and why

and they're not
coming anytime soon
I can stare up there
until the rise of the moon

yeah, maybe
I brought this on myself
sometimes shit falls
from above as you reach for the top shelf

yeah, maybe
somehow
I'm finding out
who I was isn't who I am now

going through motions
I sleep walk
focused on you,
but I'm inside, in deep thought

slowly building a wall
four corners around me
too much foundation
to ever fall

so now I'm saying goodbye
you may see me smile
but it's not real
behind my eyes

I may still
talk to you
but my heart ain't it
and hell, neither are you

safe to say

as the leaves start to turn 

water making things rust 

it's safe to say I've never been 

viewed with a combination of admiration and lust 

 A Harvest Moon she's beginning to rise and 

I've never managed to catch her eye 

it's safe to say as day piles upon day 

I've never been looked at in that way 

 No, I'm not bitter not even a touch mad 

perhaps a bit heartsick a little bit sad 

I have no doubts that I'm missing out on something 

I should have had 

 I've no element of danger no reason for mistrust 

wings of light in mid-flight responsibility or bust 

 I'm going to fall from on high do it or die 

hate me if you must

No guts

watched her walk by again

did she look at me this time?

No eyes

didn't see it if she did

what would my name sound like with her voice?



No, she's too old for me

she's too smart for me

No, she's too much for me

and if not, I'll never know



No guts

sat next to her once

she even asked my name

don't remember what I said

No ears

everything she says is drowned by thought

of what a fool I'll sound like in response



No, she's too pretty for me

she's too much like perfect

No, she's got another on her mind

and if not, I'll never know



So I walk away with questions

that have nothing to do with her

they're all about my misconceptions

and my damn fear of her

As A Child

She made roses out of air horns
and understood the pen came long before the keys

She found wisdom in the eyes of newborns
Just knew nothing lay beyond what the eye could see

She thought as a child
distance never looked at in miles
and if I could only buy her outlook
maybe life wouldn't be so full of trials

She found the tree growing in the scrapyard
and laughed with children until they were hushed

She pointed with glee at the sky until the last star
running an hour late, the woman wouldn't be rushed

She thought as a child
looked for color and flash, not style
and if I could only take her picture
I would enlarge and frame her smile

She thought as a child